This past week has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. My mum is currently in the middle of selling her house, a house I grew up in and have so many memories stored in. She is moving to Cornwall which is at least a four hour car journey. One of my brothers may be moving with her. Two of the stars I watched as I grew up have passed on this week: Rowdy Roddy Piper and Cilla Black.
It’s during this time that it makes me sit and think. Think about my loved ones. About people that have had some impact on my life, whether through a real connection or through the emotional connection via the big screen or television. So many people have left an imprint on me that it’s hard when things change.
The thought of my mum being so far away upsets me, not to mention how much it upsets my daughter. But my mum is doing what’s best for her. She wants to retire, and she wants to move to Cornwall as Cornwall has such strong family ties for all of us. We try to do our best to go there once a year as it is our second home. I plan to retire there too, so I’m not surprised my mum wants to do the same. It’s just a really weird notion to know that my mum won’t be just five minutes up the road soon.
I mentioned in a previous blog post that I want to get in front of the camera more and to photograph my family as I have no recent photos of them. And now this project is even more important to me. I want to be able to document my old house, photograph the little quirks of it, the hidden messages on the doors and walls we wrote as kids, the stairs in which we would lower down sleeping bags by our dressing gown cords as we snuck down to watch wrestling, the wardrobe I knew hid birthday and Christmas presents, the table where we shared so many meals, the wall that I splattered Bolognese on as I flicked it at my sister for annoying me, my old room that my brother has taken over, so many memories. It will be hard to say goodbye to the house.
It’s an odd concept. How we can grow so attached to material goods, such as a house. And though yes the house holds memories for me and seeing different parts of that house triggers those memories for me, they are all stored within me. They’re something that won’t leave me.
But the idea that my mum will be leaving and moving far away is quite a scary one. It feels like too much of a grown up thing to do, to be so far away from her, despite being a mum myself. It’s almost like a part of me turns into a kid again and that feeling of needing my mum.
So I hope that we can make the most of the time we have left together. That it will still be a little while yet before it all goes through and it actually happens.
But what I truly want to say is this…
I love you mum. I know we don’t always see eye to eye. We’re very similar in a lot of ways which is why we sometimes clash. But I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you raising me and helping me to become a strong woman. A woman that has raised two beautiful kids, one of which I raised pretty singlehandedly from a baby to 4 years old before Dan came along. A woman that has started her own business, venturing along the path of self employment.
You have given so much to us over the years. You’ve put up with so much crap. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was for you to raise four kids as a single mum as well as being self employed. It is funny how certain things in our lives are quite similar.
You inspire me and I always feel really proud of myself when I hear you’re proud of what I have accomplished, as like I said, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for you. I love you mum xxx